It Was Him All Along

This post is a bit of a rant, not because I’m bitter or whatever rants usually stem from. I’m just utterly shocked this thought never came to me before which seems to be quite common in my life right now. I’ve been having quite a few mind-blowing realizations about my life lately.

Once upon a time, I dated a boy. He had this habit where he’d break up with me every 6 months or so when holidays came around or he had something new to do. He’d treat me like absolute crap and say things like I ruined his life, and then he’d come back a couple months later saying he screwed up and he was sorry. Again and again, I took him back. This went on for nearly 8 years. {I know, I should have known better.}

I guess I went back to him because he was my first boyfriend. It was easier to go back to him than meet someone new {or so I thought}, so that’s what I did. I kept going back to him, and each time he’d do the same thing. He’d always end up saying something along the lines of “You do so many fun things when we aren’t together,” or “Why do you become awesome after I break up with you?” My response was always the same, “I’m still the same girl. I was always this way. You just never taken the time to appreciate it.”

Well the other day I realized my answer has been wrong all along. Yes, I’ve always been that girl. Yes, I’ve always done fun things and been awesome, but he rarely saw it. The thing that was different was that I’m that girl when he’s NOT around. I do so many fun things, and I become “so awesome” because that boy isn’t in my life.

It took me 8 years {8 freakin’ years!} to realize that, but I’m glad I finally did. Each and every day I wake up and I know I’m accomplishing more than I could have ever accomplished if he was still in my life. Each night I look back and see how far I’ve come in the past few years {all because of the times I spent WITHOUT him}, and I’m truly amazed at what my life has transformed into – all because he’s gone.

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